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Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

The Lost Symbol – A review

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Before doling out cash to buy Dan Brown’s latest novel “The lost symbol”, I figured I’d give the reviews a glance. So, I looked it up on Amazon and after reading a handful of reviews, I came across this review……

“Dear Dan Brown:
Six years of waiting for this? Really! Here’s what I think happened…you had a contract to get a new novel out this year but you spent the last 5 1/2 years enjoying yourself with all the money you made…okay, you earned it…enjoy! But wait, now you have to hustle and get a novel to the publisher. No problem, you think as you take out the outline for the previous books. Instead of the grail, you’ll make it some “Lost Symbol” mainly because you’re at a loss as to how you’re going to meet that deadline. For the female role, you’ll turn her into a scientist in some unknown field. Just so you can have another female star in the movie, you’ll throw in a CIA agent. Instead of the crazy priest, you’ll make that role just a plain psycho that another Hollywood hunk can play. You’ll go through the motions but this time Langford won’t be as sharp as before which makes sense because you aren’t either. Instead of the Catholic church, you’ll use the Masons because you can Google Masons and get all kinds of alleged secrets and mysteries as you sit by the pool and sip on some expensive scotch. You’ll use Washington DC because, like the Masons, it’s easy to Google and maybe you’ve seen National Treasure. Okay, that takes care of the first 2/3 of the book. You’re almost there and you can see the money rolling in so you just wrap up the whole package with your optimism and hope that you can pull it off. Well, congratulations. It worked and I was amoung the million that were suckered on the 15th. I give you one star for the book and one star for the balls. I hope you enjoy my money but, Mr. Brown, please know that I don’t believe you earned it and I don’t think even you do. Really.
Signed,
Disappointed”

Despite such reviews, I intend to read this darned book but instead of looking for it in the book store, I’ll be watching for it in the local library.

Written by Au Fait

September 27, 2009 at 6:03 pm

Posted in Books, Hmm..., Humor, Opinion

Tagged with , , , ,

Radical Honesty

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I just signed up for Project Radical Honesty. Here

Written by Au Fait

April 18, 2009 at 2:07 pm

Posted in Blogroll, Hmm..., Humor, News

Fail!

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Written by Au Fait

December 14, 2008 at 1:23 am

Posted in Hmm..., Humor

Bird Brain.

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Can’t seem to figure out which one’s the bird brain here.

Written by Au Fait

January 11, 2008 at 5:10 pm

Posted in Humor, News

Warren Buffet, Adjust My Bra

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First I wrote a whole post about urine, now its about the bra! What have I become and where does it end?, I wonder.

Anyway, I resisted quite a bit about creating a post on bras but the hilarity of this article by Belinda Luscombe for the Time magazine sort of forced me to give in. Yeah yeah…..I hear ya! I’m sure its a quite a serious issue as well.

Written by Au Fait

November 3, 2007 at 11:10 pm

Posted in Humor, News

:) – Courtesy RD

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My boyfriend and I met online and we’d been dating for over a year. I introduced Hans to my uncle, who was fascinated by the fact that we met over the Internet. He asked Hans what kind of line he had used to pick me up. Ever the geek, Hans naively replied, “I just used a regular 56K modem.”

It is so rare to be offered a meal on airlines these days that I was surprised to hear the flight attendant ask the man sitting in front of me, “Would you like dinner?” “What are my choices?” he responded. “Yes or no,” she said. 

As an obstetrician, I sometimes see unusual tattoos when working in labor and delivery. One patient had some type of fish tattoo on her abdomen. “That sure is a pretty whale,” I commented. With a smile she replied, “It used to be a dolphin.”

My parents scoffed, but I knew my college degree in geology would come in handy one day. It was during basic training, at Sheppard Field, Texas, and I was pulling KP duty. When the sergeant asked me what I did in civilian life, I proudly announced that I was a geologist. “Good. I’m looking for someone with your background,” he said, while dropping a bulging sack onto the table. “You’ve got just the right qualifications to pick the rocks out of this hundred pounds of beans.” 

Some friends were hoping their second child would be a girl, and they even had a name picked out. The ultrasound didn’t reveal the baby’s sex, though, and since the expectant father had orders from the Navy to ship out before the due date, he told his wife, “We’d better pick out a boy’s name, just in case.” But when it was time for him to report for duty, they still hadn’t decided. At sea a few weeks later, he got notification that his son, Justin Kase, had been born. 

Written by Au Fait

April 14, 2007 at 5:31 pm

Posted in Humor

Live Longer – Courtesy RD

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I trust Reader’s Digest to give me a good laugh every time I need one…….here are a few that are aimed at helping you live that bit longer…….

  • Torrential rainstorms were knocking down power lines all over town. That meant, as a customer service rep for the electric company, I was dispatching repairmen right and left. When one lineman called a customer to get her exact address, he was told, “I’m at Post Office Box 99.” The weary lineman replied, “Ma’am, I’ll be coming to you in a truck, not an envelope.”
  • Safety is a major concern at the manufacturing company where I work. So I’m constantly preaching caution to the workers I supervise. “Does anyone know,” I asked a few guys, “what the speed limit is in our parking lot?” The long silence that followed was interrupted when one of them piped up. “That depends. Do you mean coming in to work or leaving?”
  • The pastor of my church hates to plead for money. But when the coffers were running low, he had no choice. “There’s good news and there’s bad news,” he told the congregation. “The good news is that we have more than enough money for all the current and future needs of the parish. The bad news is, it’s still in your pockets.”
  • No doubt about it, the new temp hadn’t a clue about computers. Since part of her job was directing calls to our technical support department, I gave her simple instructions: “When people call with computer problems, always ask which operating system they’re using — Windows, Macintosh or UNIX.” Later, she handed a technician this phone message. “Call immediately,” she’d written. “Customer has problem with eunuchs.”
  • Rodents had overrun a posh private school near New York City. So the headmaster, a friend of mine, asked a health inspector to deliver a slide presentation to teachers and students, showing how to remedy the situation, i.e., stow trash, no food in class, etc. The following day, a teacher had her very young children write a letter to the inspector, thanking him for the visit. One of the students wrote, “Dear Mr. Johnson, Thank you for coming to my school. Until I saw you, I didn’t know what a rat looked like.”
  • What’s one typo? While on the staff of the Syracuse University newspaper, I learned it meant a lot. I had to write a headline for an article that invited students to meet with the deans from the various schools. My contribution to the important day appeared in bold type above the stern, scholarly portraits of the academics: “Deans’ Day: Meat Heads of Departments.”
  • At the salon where I was a hairstylist, the conversation turned to smoking and its ill effects on our bodies. Even after hearing one woman reveal that she had survived cancer of the uterus, another customer lit up a cigarette. “Aren’t you afraid of getting cancer of the uterus?” she was asked. “Oh, no, dear,” the smoker replied, without batting an eye. “I don’t inhale that far down.”
  • Recently, a man walked into my barbershop asking how much for a haircut. “Eight dollars,” I answered. “And for a shave?” “Five dollars.” “All right,” he said, settling into the barber chair. “Shave my head.”
  • Engineering classes at the University of Maryland are tough, and struggling students sometimes go to extremes in order to pass. Grading exams one semester, I got to this question: “What is the relationship between kinetic and potential energy?” One student, obviously stumped, decided to get clever and wrote, “As far as I know, they’re just friends, but there could be something else going on there.”
  • It was getting ridiculous. I’d been hired to paint a woman’s living room, but every time I put another coat of paint on the walls, my client changed her mind about the color. After the third time, it still wasn’t right. So back to the paint store I went. As I painted the fourth coat on, she commented, “It looks like you’re painting faster.” “No,” I mumbled, “the room’s getting smaller.”
  • In his attempt to put a new patient at ease during a checkup, my friend, a gynecologist, struck up a casual conversation. After noticing the label on her sandals read “Hecho en Mexico,” he asked, “So, when were you in Mexico?” Flummoxed, the patient asked, “You can tell all that from a pelvic exam?”
  • While ferrying workers back and forth from our offshore oil rig, the helicopter I was on lost power and went down. Fortunately, it landed safely in a lake. Struggling to get out, one man tore off his seat belt, inflated his life vest and jerked open the exit door. “Don’t jump!” the pilot called out. “This thing is supposed to float!” As the man leapt from the helicopter into the lake, he yelled back, “Yeah, and it’s supposed to fly too!”
  • A linguistics professor was lecturing his class. “In English,” he explained, “a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language in which a double positive can form a negative.” A voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”
  • When a woman requested a whole roaster at the market where I work, the butcher didn’t let on that the bird he presented her was the last one. “Do you have one that’s a little larger?” she asked. “Of course,” said the butcher. He took the roaster behind the counter, away from view, and made a lot of noise rolling it around the ice as if he were searching for just the right chicken. He then showed the same bird to her. “Better,” she said. “Do you have one with a little more meat on it?” He took the chicken, rolled it in the ice and offered it up a third time. “Great,” the woman said. “I’ll take all three.”
  • The test I gave my math class covered everything we’d studied all year — fractions, percentages and portions of whole units. But maybe I could have explained things a little better. To the question “What portion of a foot is six inches?” one student answered, “The toes?”


Written by Au Fait

November 25, 2005 at 6:30 am

Posted in Humor